It’s not something I expected. Or, something I was waiting around for!
But, soon — within weeks — I will marry my best friend; a man I love and respect. This feels me joy and also that strange out of body sensation when it feels like this has to be happening to someone else and I am merely observing it all.
And then it hits me — BAM! — Holy Crap! We’re getting married!
It’s like i’m looking at someone else’s life.
But I’m not. It is me. It is us.
While we have been excited to plan a life together, not so much the wedding. Neither or us liked the idea of spending a lot of money – I hated the idea of disillusioning anyone and I really didn’t like the anticipation of the stress and emotions associated with weddings. Besides, I wasn’t a little girl who had visions of how I wanted my wedding to be. Apart from a couple of values and elements that we want to be incorporated into the service, and the many traditions we have decided not to incorporate, I have very little about this wedding that I will hold onto tightly and stand my ground on.
The covenant is what matters to us.
Bows on the pews do not.
RM is a wonderful, lovely and gentle man. He loves me in the best ways. He is my best friend and my teammate.
But no matter how good a man he is, I am daunted by marriage.
It scares me.
My prayer is that the creator will continue to prepare our hearts — to keep things as simple & beautiful as possible. Elegant Simplicity.So that we might focus on the promises we will make to each other before and to God, and before our families and friends.
It have felt just how he has grown to love me — how attracted we are to each other. Just how we are growing in our desire for one another. God’s grace has made this season a blessing rather than a source of tension.
I am grateful for this. I am so very grateful for this. We pray, we talk, we hope.
It is a wonderful thing for our growing and deepening relationship to have been and to be an overwhelming source of joy.
What a rich tapestry we are
The moments stack like bricks &
mortar as the memories accumulate.
With each gentle glance, hopeful
smile, with each light touch of an
index finger on wrist or a
touch on my back.
The back of the tapestry is rough,
But spans the distance of hemispheres,
Over our shared pacific waves &
dodgy skype connections.
Hope, once ignited, radiates farther
than any nuclear explosion,
Though that hyperbole is unfortunate,
the very radiation permeates my bones,
My awareness of the consequence of being loved.
I speak of this one, by whom I am loved
In hyperbolic terms, endearing terms.
To feel the awakening, the flickers
Of a divinely inspired desire.
To be enjoined, dove-tailed,
to seek to understand the beauty
is to know life,
to know hope,
to know truth;
and see that “It is good.”